Betty Sue: How did you get involved in snowboarding?

P: Actually, it's riverboarding. We lay on a board and go facefirst down rapids.

Johnny: Could you go down the creek next to my house? It's big! I threw the cat in and she had trouble swimming across, and when she got out, she scratched my arm. I still have an owie.

P: Well, the creek next to your house sounds challenging, but yes, I think I could probably manage.

Billy: Have you ever gotten scared going down the river? I went sledding and crashed right into a snowman and knocked it over.

P: I've definetely had a few adreneline rushes. I can't say I've ever been scared, because I love the thrill of the unknown, and the challenge is half the fun. I also Airboard, which is a blast - it's like sledding facefirst, and you go REALLY fast. Billy, you'd have to watch out for snowmen - you certainly don't want to hit one going 45 MPH. That gives me a headache just thinking about it.

Brittani: Maybe you have a tumor??

P: It's not a tumor!

Mrs. Johnson: Brittani, remember how you asked the nice Governor that question - what did he tell you? Docta P, sorry about that. Boys and girls, who else has a question for Docta P?

Johnny: I do I do! Three blackbirds are sitting on a fence. I shoot one with pop's gun. How many are left?

Docta P: None, the other two flew away.

Johnny: (crestfallen look) you ruined my joke (throws pencil, which P deftly snags in midair.)

Tommy: Could you beat up the Invisible Man on your riverboard?

P: Probably not, but with my incredible Gath helmet and SixSixOne body armor, it'd take him awhile to beat me down, and in the rapids I'd have a fighting chance.

Quinten: The Guv-ner has bigger muscles than you in the pictures he showed us of when he was younger. Do you think he took performance enhancing drugs like Roger Clemens?

P: That's quite a sophisticated question for a young man.

Quinten: Mother says I'm going to be a doctor like father and granddad, but my interests lay in the field of astronomy.

P: The world can always use another good astrophysicist - perhaps we could chat after class about that. To answer your question though, there's no absolute evidence that Roger Clemens used performance enhancing drugs, other than the fact that his stats were astronomically better the year his former trainer says he began injecting him at age 37 than they had been the decade prior, and that trend continued. However, the same can be said of Barry Bonds. Besides, performance enhancing drugs weren't illegal in MLB at the time. As for your guest the governor, he's admitted using steroids and pot, but he did say he doesn't think pot is a drug, so it's ok. Besides, it made him a movie star, rich, famous, and married into the Kennedy clan, and now he's Governor of California. So just say "no" to performance enhancing drugs, boys and girls!

Melanie: Can I use a riverboard in the lake behind daddy's boat?

P: That's not exactly the proper use.

Melanie: But I WANT to!

P: Yes, of course you can. Did you say you didn't want to wear a life preserver?

Melanie: I HATE life preservers. They smell bad and I can't show off my Tickle Me Elmo swimsuit.

P: For the record, ALWAYS wear your lifejacket, everyone.

Herbert: Does the gradient of the river have to be greater than the average drop in the surrounding terrain in order to facilitate proper rapids?

P: Not necessarily, so long as the proper geostratic conditions are met so that the river or creek can cut through the strata and all at least 100 feet a mile or so. Otherwise, it's a pretty sleepy ride.

Betty Sue: Do you think the Cowboys are going to win the Superbowl?

P: Barring injuries, they haven't a chance against the AFC assuming they even get that far.

Mrs. Johnson: Ok, well, it's time for recess. Thanks for coming today.