This isn't the easiest blog in the world to write, but I think it needs to be done.

In the past several years, as FaceLevel.com has grown and I have personally connected with more and more whitewater enthusiasts from around the globe, the brand and my personal image have had a spotless reputation...with one exception, and that's some of the guides in New Zealand, notably Kaituna Cascades.

Now, this isn't a defense for myself in any way, because as far as K.C. and that whole issue is concerned, I'm in the wrong. But I'll get to that in a second. First let me just state that if by some odd chance you've heard anything different about my reputation or that of the company, I'll go on record as saying there is no merit to whatever negativity was being spoken.

With the exception of 2 incidents in New Zealand, I personally - and definitely the company - have done absolutely everything possible to be "without guile" in any way, shape, or form. I'm not concerned if people necessarily like me, because there will always be "player haters", but what you see on these pages and in person is what you get. I am transparent. For the most part, that transparency shows off me being too much of a nice guy, not whatever false, negative stories about me being a jerk might be driveling from the rumor mill.

I say that - and it's the first and last time I will ever bother to defend myself publicly - because my openness about some things that happened in New Zealand pissed quite a few Kiwi's off. Over time, I have seen my personal error in judgment, and that being really the only incident in the past several years where I was "unprofessional", a "jerk" or whatever term you want to use, well, you're right, and I want to apologize.

First, to recap: Myself, Docta P, Kevin, and Regan were in New Zealand, to experience the culture and immerse ourselves in the incredible whitewater. We did so.

We also nearly got ourselves killed on the Kaituna River after a few days of heavy rain. I wrote a lot about it at the time , because we as a group believed that we had been misled by a few of the guides at Kaituna Cascades.

I even posted a couple really humorous pictures about the impending karma which might have been coming their way. Ok, well, we thought they were kind of funny. I've removed the negative text because it was showing up in google searches for Kaituna Cascades, but I left the pictures, because, well, I'm not going to hide my stupidity... they are kinda funny - hopefully one day we'll all share a laugh about it over a beer.

Anyway, we - I - was pissed because the guides had told us it was safe to run the river (despite the fact that they weren't, and nobody but some extreme Canadian kayakers were either), and we were later told by some guys from the Rotorua Fire Dept who we met there and who looked at the dam gates with us, that the dam was at "open gates", meaning much MUCH higher than normal.

But regardless, I made the choice - as did my rivermates - to put on the water that day. At that point ALL responsibility shifts to us.

Which is why I'm apologizing. Call it a shift in my philosophy, call it a realization of error, whatever, I was wrong. 

Primarily I was wrong because over the past year and a half I've realized the real reason we got the beatdown of a lifetime was because our fins were crap and our boards were NOT suitable for running waterfalls, for several reasons, none of which need to be discussed here.

The point is that it was our fault, my beatdown was my fault. I chose to get on the water, regardless of what anybody told me.

As far as Kaituna Cascades, well, all I can say is I'm sorry, I was wrong, and hopefully we can let it be water under the bridge. It's the one blight on my public resume, and I'd like to remove it. At least make an effort to repair the damage.

Because in all reality, the river was runnable that day. Whether it is insane or not, Kevin and Regan took different lines and survived, and I think with different boards and different fins (we weren't wearing Churchills, we were testing split-fins used by rescue teams, and they offered absolutely zero kick...) I think it would have just been a helluva ride.

And really, I didn't know for a fact that they were trying to put on some macho front and tell us to do it to act like they were tough, as I accused them of. I don't know that. Maybe they really were being honest. 

Bottom line though, it doesn't matter one way or another - I put on the river, I made the decision, I had crappy gear that I was testing, and I paid the price.

So, guys...sorry. I hope we can patch things up, and that there will not be any more bad blood between us. 

Thanks.

~Ice~